Family Meddling in Marriages in Oman

Sometimes I am kind of happy that I am an Orphan in the Islamic sense, when I hear stories of horrible families, abusing their daughter's rights.

MOP was telling me a story about a girl from Jebel Akhdar whose family married her when she was seventeen to an old man who was 80. She didn't really have a say, unless she wanted to be cast out by the tribe and family.

From my friend, we'll call her Rayan: "If we Omani girls go against our families, even if we commit no sin and do something that is good for us, it is as if we have committed adultery, or worse. No matter how good and liberal you think our families are. My mother loves you, but if you were her daughter, she'd never have allowed your marriage to MOP. Wrong tribe. Wrong job."

And Rayan is from Muscat.

I always say to myself, if I was her, the girl from Jebel Akhdar, I would have stood up for myself and run away, but if you don't have a job, and your family keeps you from learning the skills needed to provide for yourself, what can you do? And she didn't have any skills, just barely her schooling, so...

One of her male highschool teachers apparently thought to save her from this fate because he felt sorry for her in this situation, by marrying her as a second wife, but he didn't have the money for her maher.

He was a decent age, only fifteen years her senior, and kind I suppose, but I mean, doesn't a young girl deserve some options in life?

So I ask my husband about our sons and daughters. Ours sons could marry as they choose he says, even though his brother did not marry a [very white] Zanzibari girl he loved because of the fact that she was not "A Real Omani" and it could bring shame to the family, and no one would want to marry their daughters to the family anymore, and that it would be worse for them men of the family to marry a black skinned woman than to marry an Omani woman who did not wear a headscarf or abaya.

I get angry, wallah. This is not my religion. This is not Oman as I love Oman.

"What of our daughters?" I enquire. One always should, before marriage, if they want to know what kind of man their husband is.

My husband relents that he'd possibly allow a black man who was a good Muslim of good reputation who was amazingly secure and wealthy marry one of his daughters, but it would be unaccepted by the village. But in this case wealth was important because no one would accept them.

And then MOP was an idiot for a bit and tried to tell me that the Prophet Mohamed SAW never married his daughters to an African man or non Arab.

"He said "Salman Al Farsi [a Persian] is of my family!"" I retort to such tactics in anger.

MOP nods in agreement and says that is why he loves me, that he WANTS me to change some things in his village, after I stop BEING the change. Right now he is the person bringing the change. I am scary CHANGE incarnate Bwahahaha. I am here people, and you can't scare me away with gossip, and fear that your husbands will all marry white women. Because don't worry, they won't. Most of your husbands have smaller minds than you.

Forgive the bitterness, it will go in time.

I just chant to myself. "I love Oman. I love Oman. I love Oman."

Believe me. One white woman is enough change for his village at this time I suppose. And they like white skin.

I've had to sister in laws ask me for whitening lotions already.

I say try sunscreen and eating lots of cucumbers. Honestly, I just want them to lay off the bleaches.

Apparently though, in case of some miracle, like the sky spells out his name, any future daughters of ours will be forbidden from marrying men of a tribe that is enemy to my husband's tribe.

I fight this. I say "races, tribes, and nations are a thing of Jahiliyia [not of Islam]. [The Prophet Mohamed said] Leave it. It is rotten."

My husband relents in case of miraculous perfect man from said enemy tribe who rejects his tribe.

To be honest, using my good judgement, I'll help my children to marry as they feel capable.

I feel I have to fight, because knowing my husband's luck, if we have a daughter, she'll take after me.

And what did MY father say when I asked him if there was anything I could do in this life that would sorely disapoint him?

"You could suppress yourself to wear a veil and convert to some strange religion like Islam."

Yes, yes, my father really did say that.

So if she's anything like me...

MOP allows he may have to make room for his bad luck;D

Marrying One's Cousin in Oman, and Pepsi Babies

Because of a comment I read on JD's blog, I wanted to touch on the topic of marrying one's cousins.

Unless my future children are totally adamantly, defiantly in love with one of their Omani cousins, and that cousin they are in love with is a good Muslim AND a good person (they should be intertwined, one meaning the other but one can be culturally Islamic and a horrible personage at the same time in my experience), and then, and only then, if they have a blood test first, and it makes them medically compatible, well... other than that, I won't let them marry their cousins. Or be familially pressured into marrying their cousins.

Why? when I adore most of their potential cousins? When I love my family? and think them good, and actually accept the practice as halal in Islam?

Because sometimes, the children inherit genetic diseases, especially blood disorders, more often, when they are genetically linked. And it isn't a very big issue for me. My husband was born from parents who were cousins, and most of my Omani, Saudi, Emerati, Qatari, Bahraini friends are too. It isn't a big deal to me, but I think it is better to NOT to. Medically.

Contrary to what alot of expats think, not everyone who marries their cousins are gonna end up with special needs children. It just doesn't happen like that. For example, my Omani family. The only genetically inherent disease they seem to manifest from stubbornly marrying only in the family is bleeding gum. I mean, uber sensitive teeth. The ones that married distant cousins from far away villages don't have this problem in their children. But imagine if it were something worse than sensitive teeth. Like blood disorders, such as sickle-cell anemia.

I was reading a book on the history of the interior region of the Sultanate from an early expat voice on Oman and was highly offended when the author referred to people from the interior as warring imbreds.

Since not all cousin babies end up in trouble at all. There are ALOT of medical factors. I know, it is one thing to do with my work in IRL;)

But then, now after my opinions on the subject, there is one other thought in my head. A conversation between my sister in law and I of late.

Now, if she ever reads this, my SIL will figure out RIGHT AWAY who I am in IRL. Hi! My Big Omani Princess;P [BOP].

Anyways, SIL BOP and I were talking about something TOTALLY UNRELATED to anything or anyone imbred. We were talking about ow unhealthy Pepsi is. Or, well BOP was, since MOP [my Omani Prince aka my husband] is also on this bandwagon and they want me to stop drinking alot of caffeine.

I spoke in defence of the occasional can of pepsi. I know it rots my teeth out, but I do not think the powers attributed to it by BOP canbe actually manifest.

BOP: "Once a month is totally okay. But I knew a girl from Nizwa who drank only Pepsi during her preganancy, and her baby was born with deformities."

OPNO: "So you blame the Pepsi?"

BOP: "Of course."

OPNO: "I think it had more to do with them being cousins."

Sorry, Cousin Marriages, but I had to say that in defence of my occasional can of Pepsi. I really can't do the "dew" and orange miranda stains my teeth sooooo... LOL.

BABY CRAZZZZZZZZZZy in Oman!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

Why is it, that the first question people ask you when you get married in Oman, is, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN?" And on top of that "HOW MANY?" [BTW, all above pictured except the onsies is from Zara home, kids].

Serriously guys, chill. Why not ask, um, well, "have you and your husband managed to mesh your different cultures or ideas? How do you both veiw family and children? What are your long term marriage goals?" ect.... Children seem to be veiwed (in err) as relationship cement in Oman, and they are NOT. To use them as such is a MISTAKE. Marriage should be the foundation for family, not children and babies as the foundation for MARRIAGE.

I know soooooooooooooo many newly married Omani couples who have kids within the first 6 months of marriage, and guess what, DIVORCE. Try to be married AT least a year people, until you are sure you LIKE your spouse, before having kids, please.

I want kids. I am ready for them. Financially, best I wait maybe another year, but, well, really, it is not the first thing I am thinking of, yet if you are newly married in Oman (and a woman) there is a HUGE pressure to pop out a baby in the first year.

I think it kinda insane, especially with the majority of Omani fathers not being able to devote alot of time to their kids soooo...

Sorry to rain on your parade any inlaws prospecting the effectiveness of my fertility ratios ect, but I am leaving that a mystery. I fully accept that I may be veiwed as faulty if I don't manage a baby by next September, MOP, lol. I promise I can handle that with sass and a wink;****

Rooms for Two

For those of us who don't have giant villas, but who have big families (the majority of Omanis I know except my Shatti and Mubhela sets;XD), planning for kids to share rooms is an important design concept. I love these rooms. I'll add more.

Child Brides and Grooms in Oman

Just a quick question, what is the youngest marriage (Melka ect--not consumation) you have ever heard of in Oman?

Me, I know a girl who married when she was eight and the boy was eleven. Of course, they waited until they both finished Uni to be PHYSICALLY married, but they were married under Shariah. Of course, this was the work of their families.

Note*: The girl, to this day is very happy.

Am just curious. And if you know the region they were from/in, also name it. Feel free to post anonymously.

***The region the couple I know who married young are from is Dakliyah.

Little Girl's Hairstyles

It is TOTALLY an Omani thing to style your little girl's hair in a million different amazing ways, accessorizing it with crystals and bows and flowers. MashAllah so pretty and so cute!

K, I TOTALLY used to HATE my mother when she made me sit still for an hour to torture me with one of these hairstyles, but looking back on the photos now, I know I will subject my own children to the same suffering for SURE.

For Parents in Muscat

If you are a parent in Muscat here is a cool facebook group for you to check out and join for events and what's going on for your family. Just search "Kidz in Muscat (KIM)"

Fun Summer Ideas for Kids in Oman

My favourite memories of summer as a kid were running through the sprinkler (this has to be only for a short time here in Oman) and water fights and the spalshing/wading pool. Water guns are available all over Oman in toy stores and sponges can be made into waterballs, as well as waterballoons.

To dry off have everyone play tic-tac-toe on a towel you've painted with fabric paint (try Lulus stationary section for example---they have fabric paint).

Making toy boats out of spare wood and cork bits is fun and you can have races in the wading pool.